Another night..Another Fight..
And I wonder..why ? Why ?? WHY ??!!
Life was so simple before man.. Life was..me..meri tanhayee..and my thots..myself..Just myself..
and now..there’s marriage on the cards..
It’s not her..Its me..Dont think I would have had it easy had it been anybody else either..
I just cannot get the idea of changing my lifestyle cos of an event..
With every passing day I realize I am not cut out for couplehood. Am just not..
I just love all the things about myself and the things I do so much that I dont see the point of even trying to work around the other person..
Very selfish…but..well..thats me..
Work, the gym, my friends..and sometimes no friends even…It’s not adding to me see ?
I am trying to be as social as i can be..but I get so frustrated at the sameness of it that I feel suffocated sometimes..
It’s the same with everyone..They do not know what to do when they have some free time..
It has to be one event after another…something,somewhere,somebody…something !
A dinner, a movie, a drink, a this, a that..
And I cannot see the logic of it i guess. Unless I see it adding to me somehow..
and I realize it everytime that maybe I just overstepped the limit..and i hate that..the fact that I was a burden..
I need to disconnect..isolate myself..insulate myself a lot more..
Need to make it much more simple..Need to do all the things that make me realize
“Not bad, you are doing your bit towards changing all this…”
I dont think I have ever felt as good as i did the day I went to the kennel..for a long time..
Reminded me of bombay..there was sweat.. there was blood..
and there was a tiredness and the sleep thereafter that was heavenly..
I had earned it. I had done my bit.
I have decided..I have made my decision..enough of over a year of wondering..Am i or am i not..
I am not a social animal ! simple..Now lets move forward..
Insulate..Isolate..keep it at the base minimum required..
Focus on the stuff that kept you content before..
Or move in the direction atleast..
